AY Honors/Conflict Resolution/Answer Key

1. Be at least in the 10th grade.

This will be for those in 10th grade/Sophomore in high school or at least 15 years of age in a location where such school grades have no equivalent or for home school and non-schooled children. *This Honor will require an instructor. Contact your church Counselor or conference office for assistance or ACS or ADRA for a trainer for Crisis Intervention or Grief Counseling.

2. Explain how Christ encouraged people in crisis in at least two of the following Bible stories. Identify the nature of the crisis or human needs in each story that you explain.

a. John 8:1-11

¹But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. ²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

¹¹"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
— John 8:1:11 (NIV)

The woman in this story was Mary Magdalene, and she was certainly experiencing a crisis. Not only was she publicly shamed, but her very life was threatened. The trap laid by the Pharisees here was that Mosaic Law called for the execution of an adultress, but under Roman Law, the decision to execute was reserved for the Roman governors. If Jesus were to agree that she should be executed, they would have turned Him in to the Roman authorities for usurping their authority. But if He disagreed with the death sentence, they would have "proven" that he did not respect Mosaic Law.

Jesus saw this trap immediately, but His main concern was not for himself but for Mary Magdalene. Yes, she had sinned, but so have we all, and His mission was to save sinners. Jesus extricated Himself from the trap while showing her great tenderness and compassion. His writing in the dirt was a list of "secret" sins committed by her accusers. He continued outlining these sins until all the accusers drifted away, eager for their own sins to be kept secret.

Finally, He turned to Mary, counseled her to leave her life of sin and granted her forgiveness. She followed Him devoutly after this incident, washing His feet with perfume at the home of Simon, and standing at the foot of the cross during the crucifixion. She was the first person to see Him after the resurrection.

b. Matthew 18:1-6

¹At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

²He called a little child and had him stand among them. ³And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

⁵"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. ⁶But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
— Matthew 18:1-6 (NIV)

The people in crisis in this verse are the disciples, only they did not realize that they were in any danger. They were looking for Jesus to settle their disagreement over which of them was the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Their arrogance and pride were threatening their very salvation!

Jesus clearly pointed their error out to them in a most non-threatening way. When we see someone we love on a course to destruction, it is our duty to try to set them straight as well. However, the way we do this is just as important as the decision to do it. Jesus did not jump up and down and scream, nor did He insult His disciples and tell them they were ruining their lives (even if they were). Rather, He gently pointed out the way they should have been acting and admonished them to follow the example He set before them.

c. John 4:1-26

John 4:1-26 provides us with the account of Jesus' meeting with a Samaritan woman at a well. This woman had not led an easy life. She had been abandoned by five husbands, and was living with a man to whom she was not married. These circumstances attest that she was leading a sinful life.

Jesus was able to read her soul. He knew that her salvation was at stake, so He set about His work to reverse her course. His initial contact was to ask her to serve Him some water. This was a highly unusual request, because most Jews at that time would refuse to use a dish that a Samaritan had used. She was surprised, and Jesus had immediately gained her full attention. At this point, he moved on to the next stage, which was to pique her interest in spiritual matters, saying, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." (Matt 4:10, NIV).

At first, she refused to engage, and pretended to not understand His statement. Jesus knew she was trying to turn the conversation, so He persisted. Finally, He revealed Himself a prophet, telling her He knew about her previous marriages and her current living arrangements. At this, the woman was convinced of two things: that Jesus was not a religious pretender, and that He had a genuine interest in her well-being.

d. John 1:35-42

³⁵The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. ³⁶When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!"

³⁷When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus. ³⁸Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?"

They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"

³⁹"Come," he replied, "and you will see."

So they went and saw where he was staying, and spent that day with him. It was about the tenth hour.

⁴⁰Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, was one of the two who heard what John had said and who had followed Jesus. ⁴¹The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah" (that is, the Christ). ⁴²And he brought him to Jesus.

Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which, when translated, is Peter).
— John 1:35-42 (NIV)

The people in crisis in the passage Andrew and Peter. Both were searching for spiritual meaning in their lives and had been attracted to John the Baptist. They could tell that John was genuine, and was not like the religious leaders with whom they were distrustful and discouraged. When John pointed Andrew to Jesus, he did not hesitate to find out more. Jesus invited him to spend some time with Him, and Andrew eagerly took Him up on the offer. Their visit impressed Andrew with the thought that Jesus was the Messiah. This excited him very much, and he rushed to share the news with his brother, Peter. Jesus befriended Peter as well, and they both became part of His inner circle.

e. Mark 2:13-17

¹³Once again Jesus went out beside the lake. A large crowd came to him, and he began to teach them. ¹⁴As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him.

¹⁵While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. ¹⁶When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the "sinners" and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"

¹⁷On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
— Mark 2:13-17 (NIV)

The person in crisis in this passage was Levi son of Alphaeus. Levi was a tax collector, and as such would likely have had very little satisfaction with his life. His fellow countrymen considered him a traitor, as he was cooperating with the Romans. He was an outcast.

Jesus understood Levi's condition, and even though no one else at the time would have thought he would be an effective gospel worker, Jesus invited him to be one of His disciples. Levi did not give it a second thought. Here was a chance to do something important with his life!

We are next taken to Levi's house, where Jesus and many of Levi's friends were dinner guests. The Pharisees had also followed, and labeled both Levi and his guests as "sinners" in an attempt to discredit Jesus by lumping Him in with "that" crowd. Jesus refuted their claim that He was a sinner, but He did so without putting Levi and his friends down, or disengaging from His work with them.

Levi, the sinner had is life turned around. He is better known to us as Matthew, the author of the first gospel.

f. Acts 9

Acts 9 tells the story of the apostle Paul's conversion. Paul, thinking himself very righteous, was on a mission to snuff out Christianity. He was heading in exactly the opposite direction spiritually as he thought he was. Rather than being a zealous worker for God, he was attmepting to thwart God's greatest plan - the plan of salvation. It was going to take something very drastic for him to turn around, so God did something very drastic.

First, He caused Paul to be thrown from his horse. Then He appeared to him and made it clear that not only was he not acting righteously, but that he was in direct opposition to the will of God. The brightness of God's glory physically blinded Paul, and God left him that way - helpless - for several days. During this time, Paul did some soul searching, and he was abhorred by the condition of his soul. He turned to God, and became the most powerful preacher of the New Testament.

3. Describe for your instructor some of the human needs and crisis situations that teenagers in your community face today. Describe some of the crisis situations that families face. This may be done in a group discussion setting.

Often in any crisis whether it be a wide area disaster or the loss of a close family member the emotional crisis can be devastating to an individual. Not all people are emotionally equipped to react and continue to even function when facing what many would call an overwhelming situation. For these people imediate assistance is needed as they may have frozen themselves in a dangerous location, may become depressed even to the point of suicidal or may react in outrage and violent fashion.

To help to bring these reactions to a close or to a point controllable first the person must be helped to a place physically and mentally where they are not in imediate danger and they must be helped to realize this. In the case of the loss of a parent this may mean that the teen is helped to realize that they have many friends, and family, a community that will help them to go on and provide for their needs.

The human needs of any individual start with the same basics: shelter, water, and food. As Christians we recognize the need first for God and our relationship with Him and will remind those we help to keep this need first in all things. Beyond these basic needs there are possibly physical, medical, and emotional support needs that will be considered. A person injured in the fire that has destroyed his home needs medical attention before he needs emotional support (although the two may come nearly simultaniously at times). In professional occupations that deal with high stress matters or regular human suffering the emotional support to follow is most often called Critical Incident Stress Debriefing. This is a form of counseling that is important not only to professionals like firefighters but also to families and communities in need.

The stress of an incident can be overwhelming and may manifest itself some great time later or be a fixture in a person's actions and outlook to life. Although not all people are affected by such stress it is best to see to the potential needs of a person in crisis to avert the possible self destruction that may come. In this we consider not only what a person says they are feeling and facing, not only what they have gone through, but in the long term what they are like today vs. the person they were before their crisis.

In immediate intervention you will be a shoulder to lean on, someone to offer support, to be yelled at, to be cried to. You will offer encouragement and help to arrange for those basic needs of shelter, water, and food. You will report to your "supervisor" in intervention any issue you observe that may need to be referred to professional counseling. You will be a friend.

Families face a variety of crisis situations and some things that some may not consider to be a crisis can be devastating. For this purpose we will list common crisis situations:

• House fire
• Death of a loved one
• Loss of income
• Terminal disease
• Birth Defects
• Multiple Births (quintuplets for example, imagine five kids at one time could be stressful)
• Serious Injury
• Natural Disaster

4. Discuss your own motives for wanting to help your friends when they face personal or family crisis. What about strangers? This may be done in a group discussion setting.

The point of this requirement is for the individual to examine his own reasons for wanting to help someone. Unfortunately, there are many more bad reasons to want to get involved than there are good reasons. The only valid reason to get involved is out of love. Invalid reasons include curiosity, the desire to gossip, the desire to feel better about oneself for helping, or out of a sense of wanting to control the other person's life. Sometimes people think that their friends cannot get themselves out of their mess without their help. There are almost certainly more invalid reasons for getting involved than those listed here. But that doesn't mean you should not get involved. Just be sure you are doing so for the right reason!

5. Describe the types of human needs and give a real-life example of each.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is often depicted as a pyramid consisting of five levels: the four lower levels are grouped together as being associated with Physiological needs, while the top level is termed growth needs associated with psychological needs. Deficiency needs must be met first. Once these are met, seeking to satisfy growth needs drives personal growth. The higher needs in this hierarchy only come into focus when the lower needs in the pyramid are satisfied. Once an individual has moved upwards to the next level, needs in the lower level will no longer be prioritized. If a lower set of needs is no longer being met, the individual will temporarily re-prioritize those needs by focusing attention on the unfulfilled needs, but will not permanently regress to the lower level. For instance, a businessman at the esteem level who is diagnosed with cancer will spend a great deal of time concentrating on his health (physiological needs), but will continue to value his work performance (esteem needs) and will likely return to work during periods of remission.

6. Explain the steps in crisis intervention process and apply each step to a case study supplied by your instructor.

Crisis Intervention Steps

Communication

Communication is very important. Here is when all of your listening skills will be called into play. Your loved one needs to know that you will be there to listen to them and to react appropriately. This is not the time for judgments and criticism. This is the time for listening, comforting and supportive dialog.

You are not alone

It is important for the person going through the crisis to understand that they are not the first person to go through this situation. It's helpful to tell your loved one to take things slowly; one day at a time. It is also important to see if any support groups exist for the crisis being experienced.

Share Feelings

Let your friend talk and express their emotions. Do not be afraid of emotions and back away. Your friend will sense your discomfort and may stop talking to you.

Discuss Consequences

An impulsive person needs to slow down. You can help with this by getting your friend to stop and write down as many of the consequences that will result from the actions being considered.

Examine Alternatives

Once the consequences of a proposed action have been identified, encourage your friend think of alternatives. If your friend cannot think of any, suggest some yourself. Then list the possible consequences of the alternatives. Repeat until several alternatives have been explored.

Evaluate Alternatives

Encourage your friend to consider his own principles and values as each of the alternatives explored are evaluated. What is important to your friend? Are the consequences compatible with his values?

Encourage a Decision

Once the alternatives have been evaluated, encourage your friend to make a decision.

Support

Once your friend has made a decision, offer all the support you can. Support can be physical and moral. Physical support could be helping your friend initiate contact with another person (whether a professional counselor, or another person involved in the conflict). Moral support includes follow up phone calls to see how things are going, and reminders that you are praying for your friend (be sure you pray too!)

Case Studies

We caution you against using a scenario experienced recently by someone you know, as your Pathfinders might be able to guess who it is about. Draw from your remote pass, use something entirely fictional (but realistic!) or use one of the cases presented here.

Case Study 1

Rhonda has been a friend of yours since elementary school. In middle school she began to gain weight and as a result lost confidence in herself. Recently an older boy started paying attention to her, and they started dating. This boy runs around with a rough crowd and has a bad reputation. He has been arrested in the past. Rhonda knows all this about him, but is too in love with being loved to jeopardize her relationship with him. She works very hard to rationalize his behavior and only seems too willing to overlook his many faults.

One morning at the bus stop Rhonda seems very upset and emotional. You ask her what's wrong, and she tells you she thinks she might be pregnant.

Case Study 2

Joe is a friend who lives next door to you. Recently he had a run-in with his father about the amount of time he spends on the Internet. Joe does not think he spends too much time on the Internet, but on his latest report card his grades went from mostly A's B's to several C's and D's, and one F. His father, who is technologically inept, flew into a rage and accused Joe of spending more time "fooling around on the Internets" than working on his studies. Then he followed through on his threat to disconnect their Internet connection.

Joe tried explaining to his dad that he needed an Internet connection to do research for his school projects. His dad told him he would have to go to the library or do his research at school. Joe does spend a lot of time on the Internet and is far more technically literate than his dad. He found that he could possibly get a pretty decent connection to the Internet over your family's wireless network, except that your network is encrypted. All he needs is the encryption keys, and he'll be right back on. His dad will never be the wiser.

Case Study 3

Glen is your lab partner in chemistry class. His parents are divorced and he lives with his mother. His dad is an alcoholic and lives in a city in another state. Glen is small for his age and not very popular with the other kids, but he is also very smart and is always willing to help you with your chemistry assignments. Frankly, if it weren't for Glen, your grade in chemistry would be one or two letter-grades lower than it is.

Lately, a gang of boys has been giving Glen a hard time. Last week they suspended him on the towel hooks in the locker room by his belt loop. He suffered a cut when his belt loop broke and he fell on the bench below. The following day they took his cell phone and smashed it on the sidewalk. Joe is afraid to tell an adult about his increasingly severe problems with these boys because he is sure they will just make his life even more miserable. Because of this fear, he told his mother that he had dropped his phone and it was run over by a car. Now he is thinking about asking her if he can move in with his dad to get away from his troubles.

7. Demonstrate a grasp of basic listening skills by conducting an interview of at least 30 minutes duration. This interview must either be observed by an observer who can recognize listening skills, or taped for review by your instructor. The interview does not have to be with a person who is in crisis, but it must be a real conversation not pretend or role-playing.

Purpose

When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next, (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements).

Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgment are important in order to fully attend to the speaker.

Tactics

It is important to observe the other person's behavior and body language. Having heard, the listener may then paraphrase the speaker’s words. It is important to note that the listener is not necessarily agreeing with the speaker—simply stating what was said. In emotionally charged communications, the listener may listen for feelings. Thus, rather than merely repeating what the speaker has said, the active listener might describe the underlying emotion (“you seem to feel angry” or “you seem to feel frustrated, is that because…?”).

Individuals in conflict often contradict one another. This has the effect of denying the validity of the other person’s position. Either party may react defensively, and they may lash out or withdraw. On the other hand, if one finds that the other partly understands, an atmosphere of cooperation can be created. This increases the possibility of collaborating and resolving the conflict.

8. Explain how to make a referral to a professional counselor or pastor.

When your friend is facing a crisis that is too big for you to handle, you need to refer him to someone with professional training. Doing this is not abandoning your friend, but rather, recognizing that his problems are beyond your ability to help. There are four steps in making a referral:

Prepare your friend

Before you can prepare your friend, you are going to need a lot of information about the services professional offers and have a concrete understanding of how it can help. Then you need to share that information with your friend. Assure your friend that seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it is often the most effective and least painful path to recovery.

Get your friend's participation

The decision to see a professional belongs to your friend, not to you. Do not pressure your friend into making this decision. It may take some getting used to, and the decision might take a long time to make.

Prepare the professional

Once your friend has decided to see the professional, you should call and talk to them. Do not make the appointment for your friend. Ideally your friend should to that for himself, but if the situation is especially urgent, you might make the appointment for your friend yourself. When you speak to the professional, tell them as much as you are comfortable about the situation, and why you think the referral is important. The more the counselor knows about the problem, the better able he will be to help. Make sure that the things you have told your friend about the professional hold true, and ask if they think they can really help.

Follow up

After your friend's first appointment, ask how it went. You do not need to pry into the details of the session, but you should certainly ask if there is anything you can do to help your friend. Your continued support can help ensure a positive outcome.

References

• How to Help a Friend (second edition) by Paul Welter, Tyndale House, Wheaton, Illinois (1991)
• Christ-Centered Caring by Ronaele Whittington, AdventSource, Lincoln, Nebraska (1990)
• The answer sheet submitted to the GC when this honor was proposed was also referenced, though to my knowledge, it has not been published.